It’s been ages (over a year) since I last posted. I just haven’t felt like writing/talking. I’m still taking lots of meds. I’ve done various 3-month regimens of meds – mostly 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off with labs (blood work) done after the meds. My labs are always coming back clean – no problems with the abx side affects. I visit the doc every 3 months. I don’t feel like I’m getting any better, but I’m not getting worse. It’s ups and downs, though I never really feel normal/great. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. I’m now taking one set of ABX for a week, a different set for the following week, then 2 weeks of no ABX (recovery). Plus, of course, a bajillion other pills and supplements. (Have I mentioned Mepron SUCKS?)
During my absence from blogging, I started a new job that I’ve now been at for over a year. It’s a much lower stress job. Nobody there knows I’m sick, though one co-worker caught me taking my ~30 or so pills during lunch one day. I just told him I had some medical issues. At my last job, they knew I had Lyme and they treated me differently once it was known (part of the reason I left). At this job, I’m trying to keep it quiet. I don’t really enjoy this new job a lot, but it pays well and is relatively low stress. I’d like to get a new job, but I’m not sure changing jobs and/or taking on more responsibilities (stress) is a good idea.
I still have anxiety issues (and I’m on meds for it) – some days worse than others, but even very mildly stressful things cause me problems (and didn’t before the Lyme). I have shortness of breath occasionally, am fatigued/low energy half the time, anxiety problems fairly often, joint stiffness, and I just generally feel sick most of the time. I guess that’s better than it was. It’s hard to even name my symptoms now because I’m so used to them.
I’ve pretty much gotten used to my life now – this is my new normal… which sucks and is kinda sad really. I’ve kind of lost hope that I’ll ever get fully better. Maybe that’s the truth and it’s better to accept it now. I’ll still take my meds and follow the doctor’s advice and hope it helps, but it just doesn’t feel like I’ll ever be “normal ” again. Of course, that’s easy to write today when I took Mepron this morning and feel awful right now.
Oh – I’m still on a gluten-free, low sugar, low caffeine diet, which also sucks.
There was a great quote in the movie “Whiskey Tango Foxtrot”: “embrace the suck and move the f*** forward”. I think that will be my new mantra.
I’ll try and post from now on, at the very least, after the doc visits.